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Boundaries in Relationships

Updated: Jan 9

Happy Friday Lavenders, 

Welcome to February 2021. I hope your month has been off to a great start. May this month be your best month in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. Today's blog post is a short one, and I hope you enjoy it. As always, remember to like, share, comment, and subscribe. Thank you :) 

Have you ever heard the phrase too much familiarity breeds contempt? Have you ever had someone take you for granted? Did you ever think through why the reason was? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this blog is for you. Being taken for granted is one of the most hurtful feelings to experience, especially if you give your all to the individual or relationship. When I often hear about people being taken advantage of in relationships, it is related to young women being used and dumped by the guy they gave everything to or by the guy they loved so much. Boundaries in relationships are a crucial aspect of every relationship. Whether it is a father-daughter, mother-daughter, sibling, or dating relationship, all relationships need boundaries. From my experiences in my relationships throughout the years, I have learned three major lessons that I will be sharing with you today. 

The first is all relationships need space. People need to breathe, both literally and figuratively. One of the main issues I had in most of my relationships growing up was giving people their space. Have you ever heard the phrase, "get a life?" Well, I have discovered that people have a life beyond our relationships. I have often had people ignore me, my text messages, emails, etc, because of the lack of space I did not offer them. Sometimes in life, we have to learn lessons in not-so-pleasant ways, and this is what happened to me for most of 2020. Relationships are built over time, and boundaries must be set once the relationship is established—limits on both sides. Sometimes, communication is the only key to setting boundaries, but with communication comes other aspects of the relationship. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received from my mom was, "If someone does not give you the same energy that you give them, cut them off." Lack of respect comes from too much familiarity. People lose their respect for you when you are all over them, and redeveloping respect in the relationship could take months, even years. One tool I used to rebuild respect in my relationships was giving people their space; I could go for months without talking to someone who had not contacted me for months. 

The second is to communicate frequently but only a little. Two people I communicate with are my mother and sisters. Even in my relationship with my sisters, they have often told me that I text a lot, and they instead have face-to-face communication. Communication is a huge part of relationships, but too much communication brings irritation and frustration. Know your communication limits. Communication skills among teens and young adults must significantly improve in our society. Media and technology have contributed to this in many significant ways. Putting energy into relationships is beyond communication. Communication is critical, but communicating in the right ways is what matters. Social media and texting are two common communication types among teens. But communication is best when there is mouth-to-mouth communication and when communication is done right and well. Just because two people text often does not mean they have the best relationship. 

The third is that different people have different personalities and must be treated according to their personality. It is straightforward to generalize people and how they should be treated based on our perspective. But every individual should be treated based on their personality. One issue that comes with setting boundaries in relationships is generalizing your relationships. For example, in a friendship, a limit can be not texting after 9 pm, but this might not be a boundary in your relationship with your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or partner. But your friend might have an issue with this because they are placed in high value and esteem in your life and believe they deserve more. The critical point is to let people know their place in your life and the boundaries in place. It is straightforward for too much familiarity to come into your relationships. I always put in the effort, checking up on the individual, telling them what to do and how much energy I expected them to put into our relationship. But this is all wrong. Boundaries maintain relationships, exceptionally healthy relationships. Any and every relationship can become unhealthy over time, and we must use and input the right tools to maintain our relationships. 

I hope you have learned a thing or two from my lessons. Do not allow people to take advantage of you for reasons that can be prevented. Follow your heart, invest time and energy into your relationships, and, importantly, let there be a balance in your relationships. I hope you have a great rest of your day and week. 

If you are reading and do not believe in God, I want to encourage you to have an open heart and mind and give God a chance to prove himself to you. Please say this prayer: "Heavenly Father, I am a sinner and come to you to ask you to forgive me of my terrible sins. Thank you for dying for my sins and bearing the shame on that Cross so I may have eternal life. Today, I confess with my mouth that I have sinned against you, and believe with my whole heart that Jesus is Lord, and God raised Him from the dead on the third day. He is seated on the Heavenly throne and intercedes on my behalf. I give you my heart, soul, and life and pray that I will obey thy Word. In the precious name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen." If you just said that prayer, welcome to the family of believers. Congratulations!! Heaven rejoiced; God is so glad and happy to have you in his family. I will be praying for you and your walk with God. Feel free to contact me on the next steps in this new chapter in your life. Just fill out the keep in touch form on the home page, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you once again for reading. God Bless You. Watch out for the next blog next Friday. Have a blessed week, Thank You. 

The Ibidunni Ighodalo Foundation (IIF) is a non-profit organization created to raise awareness on issues about infertility and to provide grants for couples that require fertility treatments such as In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Intrauterine Insemination. You can donate at God Bless You As You Do So. 

Please kindly check out my podcast, Daily Talks with Toluwanimi. A new episode comes out every Sunday at noon. It can be heard on the Anchor app, Breaker, Google Podcasts, Pocket Casts, RadioPublic, and Spotify. God Bless You As You Do So. 

Compassion International is an organization that helps provide for children in poverty. You can sponsor a child or donate monthly at God Bless You As You Do So.

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